March 17th, 2013...almost exactly 8 months ago felt like the luckiest day ever! My husband and I have always shared the connection of sun-seekers, heat-seekers, beach-seekers, and ocean-lovers. Imagine our JOY in making a permanent move to the Caribbean where the air is salty, the water is clear, and the waves are minimal. Our daughter's inner vision of becoming a mermaid only made stronger by the time in the water and on the sand. She is my most precious marvel and basques in the delight others find in watching her from the shoreline in her snorkeling flippers, diving in with wonder, and using her small and well toned tan body to kick her feet and arms as if they truly were fins!
Our move was thought to be permanent and the excitement of the opportunity in front of us for our life goals and my business seemed boundless. Instantly, I became the Virgin Islands Go-To-Girl and pictured myself a year from now with the island covered in thirty-one products with the feeling of knowing "I did this" and was able to spread the mission and empower other women to the Proverbs 31 cause.
Instead, it has been 8 months of struggle, difficulty, reaching out, looking in, and putting a lot of "fake it until you make it" into my chance with a culture I cannot comprehend. Business people have scowled at me with "You're not local, are you?" My response was "Yes! I live here," joyfully expecting embrace for not being "off-island." That was met with time and time again with a scoff...the meaning and understanding of which was misinterpreted not because of my fresh-face but because what has now been explained to me as the "face of a stranger." If it needs classification, I am of Italian descent with dark tan skin and dark hair...however, not quite dark enough to ever be considered "local" it seems. Surely not everyone feels this way, but I only know that I do not wish to and I do not wish to be anything less than welcoming to anyone anywhere. However, these bias exists and some find it socially appropriate to act on them, irregardless of how naive they are about their target. It puts a lot of weight on one's soul.
I have sought the assistance in business from leaders above me, coaches in the company, in requesting a liaison for the territories, and even in other consultants to no avail. I feel discarded, unwanted, uncared for, and abused. A point exists when that "oh lucky day" becomes the change in your entire direction of wants, needs, wishes, goals, and resourcefulness.
For many years, I have been the solicited advice-giver, the instructor, the mentor, the marketing goddess among my circle, and the word-of-mouth provider...FREEly. Some of even my closest friends have been the takers and glory mongers from my generosity. Still, I do not wish to be less of a generous Leo, as nature will always prevail. Yet, that moment arises and I realized "I am not a follower." Even as a leader I have been a follower and afforded attention, connections, opportunities, and more to those who unwisely do not appreciate nor engage in return.
I am not a follower.
I am not a follower.
I am not a follower.
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